Thoughts of dissolving, of disappearing filter through my mind. My body an everchanging imprint in the water, ready to disappear. Images of Ocean waves and water, of stepping in sand and feeling watching your feet sink and disappear. How the waves each take you deeper into the sand. Of the water’s ability to wash and contour and dissolve.
Images of small gestures, of water seeping into my cells, flowing seaweed and grass motions, of water striders and dragonflies gliding across pond waters.
Drifting deep, back down into the water and darkness.
After awhile I noticed a low vibration sound distant almost like the sound of an electric bass, rumbling. This sound kept returning.
About three quarters the way through, I begin to feel a bit dizzy, not quite nauseous – vertigo has always been a sensation I noticed, but mostly a fun ride, a disorientation that circled back into my center. This was a little different — it crept up on me; it was not overwhelming, but left me feeling uneasy, uncomfortable.
Is this the motion sickness Taka was talking about?
It took several hours for this feeling to completely disappear.
Immediacy. In the present. Clearing the mind to feel, sense, open itself to only sensations. The sensation of falling of being moved, of letting go, of being supported by the velvety water. Dissolving into the water, into the darkness.
Exploring simple movement, primitive, developmental head and tail, folding arms, legs feeling the sea weed quality of the spine, the movement of salamander.
Small movements mean a lot – the soft flow of water shifting in waves around and under me. As I leave consciousness a small muscle twitches in my leg, arm, shoulder, and brings me back to this place.
Little bubbles float up at the back of my neck, tickling me.
I am challenged to let go of time – how long had it been? how much longer do I have? Questions fill my head. Letting the darkness overcome and release me into timelessness – the state of being present in the now place and more fully present in the sensation of my self, my body. Timeless – not in the sense of eternal but in the sense of No Time. Are these the same?
This float was quite delicious. Yet, I have not yet felt complete letting go.
Breath. Breathe. Congestion and enclosure. Anxiety ensues — my willful mind convinces my body that all will be okay. Very slowly some calm drifts upon me, but cycles out again. That was my mind my first float.
What to do with those arms?
Experiencing darkness absolute, silence but for the sounds of water moving, the skin blending into the water, the sensation of drifting but not sure what direction until by arm, or head softly bumps into the edge and I drift away. Many, many small thoughts bouncing in my head.
Rotate my hands, move my feet in circles, feel the soft movement of all my joints. Find my head and tail – feel like a fish.