how to integrate the 2 “parts” of the film—what is the link, how to express it via movement—or stillness?
outer & inner
what is the bridge
& what to edit
open to guidance
seemed so long—at first afraid it would be over before i’d gotten into it, then later thinking “this will never end.” finding the balance, the still point between. so interesting how time warps in there, how it expands and contracts and is utterly beyond any sense of control or reason. and never knowing what’s next. that’s one of the deep levels that opened tonight—the absolute truth of that. easier to just let go and witness what unfolds.
in and out of spacious unity. often caught up in eddies of mental words, thoughts. and then dreams—getting to know that in-between place. feeling it open, become expansive. body so much more open & healthy than any previous floats, despite (because of?) all the physical work these past few weeks. able to consciously relax at will.
lots of new movement, curling deeply to each side and rolling onto my sides, binding in twists for who-knows-how-long, staying there—as if I was liberated from the “rule” of facing upwards.
vision came through for filming: just do it, this morning even, sunrise, don’t think, just create
“body is in charge here”
glimpse of the skull-being again—w/ red (or green?) light-dots for pupils. “don’t show the skull, be the skull.”
feeling of being half above and half under ground. lots of garden/plant visions and feelings. feeling of receiving. rather than pushing for information or controlling the float’s trajectory. focused on coming back to receiving, making myself a vessel, a blank slate.
alternating stillness w/ movement
got out partway through to pee, shower, because i could. follow the body. so interesting the shift since the last float, over a month and a half ago. caring so much less about “rules” and control now.
–> bring this into filming/editing/sound
feel very in my body
noticed ways i’d try to distract from the void, the space—touching body all over, moving around, finding things to think or ask about. revolutionary was when i’d allow myself to let go of all that and trust the unknown. trust the void. infinite possibilities.
brief flashes of light—purple, yellow
allowing myself to sink below mental boredom and busy-ness. mindful, noticing, letting go. no longer identifying with it.
“that pelvis… was twerking!”
let go of control in all aspects of this process