Kaj-anne: Float #3

Skimming on back the smallest contralateral movements adjust me. 

reaching up my spine twists and sacrum follows – my bottom turns and now I’m doing the river beaver/otter twist.
Today I played with being still and just floating. Then that got boring so I played with moving incredibly slowly. My left nostril was plugged up even while I used one of those breathe right strips. My head was tilted back to the can’t breathe easily position. sometimes that helps me have wild crazy visions…sometimes it just feels like I’m going to die amidst the indigo shades and the sense memories of trauma, release and self-accepting physical tics.
tap the chest tap the forehead, tap the nasal cavities tap the top of the head tap the chin tap tap tap tap tap
a flood of sensation : Being HERE. 100% in my body
and then the heartbeat loud and clear
and then the thinking
it’s amazing how loud thoughts can be.
and it is surprising that they can block the sound of a heartbeat.
but isn’t there a physiological response to our heart beat that acts to suppress us hearing it? I mean… it would drive some people batty.
but I come back to the heart beat in this little water chamber. I comeback to the heart beat to remind me of here. body. breath.
small tuck of the pelvis – I’m having fantasy of being a synchronized swimmer – now I’m having fantasy of being a hairless prescient triplet ala Minority Report.
I’m having fantasy — tuck pelvis- come back to breathing
light on a pile of salt
light on my toes
light on my body
light on my face
hold still to hear the heat beat above the thinking
 think about how to make a video about thinking
think about how to make a dance in a video about thinking and not thinking about thinking and heartbeats.
flood of anxiety– doesn’t last long cause I’m laughing at the White Petroleum jelly tubes.
stay still so the shadows become apparent. and yes, there can be a shadow in pitch black, even if they are still somewhat irrelevant.
soft light for soft ribs. the familiar pop of my right ankle
I’m gonna take some of that petroleum jelly home with me and use it as part of my costume
Planning an aesthetic vs embodying an experience. AmI a dancer, a body, a performance artist, or a free floating concept meat sack drag queen? I’m just hair and bone, muscle and glitter.
 I do a drawing about what my body feels like – blind contour … it looks like twins or triplets smiling and playing together… they are conjoined…or about to eat each other up.
Makes me think about Wangechi Mutu and being ‘double headed’.
How much of this writing is going to be used? Do I have any control over it? It’s so personal. My precious little moments… as if I owned anything – ever. floating
like my wisdom teacher artist friend Maire Palme quotes “Emptyness if Form! Form is Emptyness” (finally)

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