(went an extra ½ hour)
Tonight’s session was by far the most restful of any of my floats. Deeply, profoundly restful. I feel like my cells put something down. I nodded off to sleep a few times and woke myself with a kick into the water. Almost no imagery, and none of the feeling of accelerating into an altered state in that panicked sort of way. Just deep stillness. Very slight play with that notion of the body’s natural organization, the balanced posture it gravitates to on its own, from the whole being down to micro-relaxations of the neck. And then- how does the mind want to shape itself? What is the natural, relaxed posture of consciousness when left to its own devices?
Deeply soothed by the waters, especially verging on my moon. Feels like the deep waves of the yellow pond lily continue to wash over me. What a space I’ve moved into- I should count the plant teachers I’ve worked with today… PMS emotional tincture, the nettle tincture I made, palo santo and sweet orange essential oils, then skunk cabbage, horsetail, yellow pond lily and highbush cranberry in circle, then Capetown rooibos tea and now harmony tea. Not to mention the coconut, almond, spirulina, maca, cinnamon, sea salt, arugula, buckwheat, lentil, maple, yam, lime and cilantro gifts I’ve received today. So thankful for the spirits of plants and the waters that run through us all.
PRE-PROJECT FLOAT (5th ever):
late late night
moving the body through its natural unfettered mechanics
job is to create a framework for people to come back again and again to their inner knowing
some resemblances to that Anat Baniel Method moment of evolving motion from nothing into coordinating the limbs to get up, smoothly, a microcosm of all of evolution
How does the body want to move? How does the voice want to speak? How can we let go and let go and let go so we are out of our own way more and more?
What would it feel like to be the most purified version of myself, without getting OCD about it?
Feeling a flow of energy pass through me when my ankles were crossed and my arms loosely above my head in cactus pose, like a macrocosmos of a DNA spiral continuing
PRE-PROJECT FLOAT (4th ever):
The many eyelids of the universe peel back, unfurl, a careful dare
The space fabric stops, a jolt in its not-moving-
I think, “Oh, I know this one,” and the universe smirks as it stops itself into another dimension, and another and another,
A stop-motion breaking-down cascading of reality’s bits and bobs
The layers peel back onto a pure tiger’s eye, layered with the bright crud of digital civilization
I see my house and long for the tall view of mountains, the expanses of plains, rivers, valleys
The universe unveils the corner of a roar, at hint at my nerve for thinking I know
But it doesn’t need to go full-on
I’ve approached this lesson before
It has no ending
each end like a sphincter,
perceived as the limit of reason or possibility,
but just a gateway about to open into the next of an unstopping lineage of degrees
body swirls, amniotic
heart beats fast when my head dips below
laying back, chin tips up slightly
3rd eye opens into a celestial blue
with sparkling white, a small
galaxy slowly dancing
regulating the opening with trust and orientation of the body
I started looking at the pervasive fear. I went further in- asked if love could be enough to face this fear. Gut feeling stepped in, tied to ego- “No! This is what I know!” and love held out a gentler hand- “Just try, just see how it feels right now, to come from love. There’s nothing else to do.”
The willingness to choose to relax into it, and to choose again, and again. To rest in that place of unknowing for even a moment feels brave, feels real, feels necessary.
Cathedral of toroids